Take your time to understand. Don’t just do something, be there.

Marshall Rosenberg

Someone asked me the following questions after our session:

How can I find that inner balance when there is so much going on around me? How can I not close myself into a bubble, and not allow the external factors to pull me down emotionally? Is there a technique for this?

This was a valid question as there is so much noise around us. There is always something outside us that (seemingly) requires our attention right now. It can’t wait. If we wait a little bit longer, we will already be too late. At least that is what we believe. We don’t have time to immerse in a topic, in a situation to see from different angles, to notice how it fits with my world view, my history, with ME, with my VALUES.  

Balance

Balance is not something constant. It requires our attention. We usually notice it when we are out of balance.

Focusing – Awareness

I remember when I was a little girl I loved watching magicians. The tricks they did were so impressive, and I was just in awe that a person could do that. It was much later when I realised that the magicians’ tricks are all about having the audience distracted from seeing the truth. It is so mesmerising that we forget about a very important factor. Ourselves. The trick wouldn’t work without the participants. Without us.

Now, let’s translate it into our life.

What is happening in – your – outside world, that you feel so distracted by?

Something similar is happening with us and the world around us. Something happens and we feel the impact – we get angry, frustrated, and jealous, but we can also feel content, hopeful, and peaceful. It is definitely easier to stay with comfortable feelings.

It isn’t so with the uncomfortable emotions. However, if we focus and welcome them without judgement it already brings along a sense of liberation. Just by seeing them, we feel the easing of the grip they had on us, while in hiding.

We don’t need to rush into resolution straight away, though this is our first reaction – ‘I want it to be gone! I don’t want to feel this!’. We might fix one problem, but a similar thing can happen a little further down the line. We treat the symptom but not the cause. Don’t get me wrong. Of course, when I have a splitting headache, and I can’t concentrate, I am utterly grateful for the possibility to take a pill and dissolve the pain. This gives me space to reflect. What caused this headache? Maybe I spent too much time on the computer screen, or I strained my eyes by reading deep into the night? Or I didn’t have enough sleep? There is something within my sphere of influence I can take responsibility for, and do it differently next time.

With this enquiry, we are already getting one step further into the ‘symptom.’ And it offers us various possibilities to do things differently if we decide to do so. We don’t have to BUT there will always be a time when we will need to choose. Our decisions have consequences and those consequences impact us.

What if….

What if the world around me is a reflection of what’s going on inside me?

We aren’t separate from the world around us, but we are part of it. If we are part of it, we have the power to impact it. The easiest way to start is with ourselves. This is the only sphere we have influence over.

What can I do?

Be observant

Be observant of what’s going on in you when you focus on the outside world.

Be curious

Be curious about your triggers and their origins. The origins might be within your family system. Family constellations is an amazing tool to help you restore balance and harmony within your family system, so you experience the supportive energies of life.

As Jung said, when we bring the shadows out to the surface, our job is not ‘destroying’ them, but reintegrating them as they are also part of us.

Be aware

Be aware of your internal processes and their impact on you.

EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques) is a great tool to help you peel off different layers of the obstacle and get to the origins. (But use the tool that you feel comfortable with.) Once we transform the unconscious pattern into a conscious one, we are able to heal what needs healing.

Healing happens when we experience harmony and balance in all energetic levels, not just in the mind. We are so much more than just our physical body.

The power of journaling

I know probably rolling your eyes and saying – ‘Not again!’ I know this feeling really well. But writing down what is happening in you, is helpful. I am not saying you have to do it every day, but give it a try maybe once a week or when you are going through a challenging period. I use this method periodically, and I can feel the difference. When there were too many emotions inside, just start writing. It doesn’t have to make sense. You aren’t writing a novel, you are just expressing what’s inside you. If you need to cry, let it out while writing (this happened to me several times).

By allowing the unseen to be seen and acknowledged, you are already doing a great service to yourself. And creating space for your own healing.

As dr Edith Eger says – It’s not what you let out that makes you sick, but what you keep in.

The power of Gratitude

We take many things in our life for granted and we start appreciating them only when we lose them or don’t have them as easily as we used to.

Even as little as saying ‘Thank you’ in the morning when you wake up, Saying thank you before you start having your meal. It takes only a few seconds to do this. But it helps you to be connected more often with the present moment.

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Give yourself time to reflect on what you are consuming. And see how the information you hear is impacting you. What emotion or sensation is arising in your body and what do you tell yourself while the emotion is arising? Our instinct is to push it down because it feels uncomfortable. We don’t want it.

But what would be different if we allowed that feeling to ‘talk to us’. Instead of pushing it away, we shed some light on it and work with it. What would it want to say to you?

Written by Petra J.