Very often we try to make ourselves bigger by holding on to our opinion about what is right above all else, even when it clearly does not serve us to do so. For many of us, being ‘right’ has become equal to survival.
What must be stressed here is that expressing one’s opinion and speaking one’s truth are two different things altogether.
John L. Payne: The Language of the Soul: Healing with Words of Truth
Nowadays it is very common that people share their opinion whether you asked them or not – regardless of what harm it might cause. And not knowingly, we may cause more damage than we could possibly imagine. We are entitled to our opinions but we also need to remember that our opinions are based on our own unique experiences and perspective on life.
What if I ….
I don’t care what they’re going to say but I will tell my opinion.
This could come across for many as a selfish attitude. But what if you look behind the scene: the person cultivating such an attitude might have a different story. I just want to be heard! I want to see that I belong and matter.
If you know that this might lie behind it, how would you react? Would you jump straight into the offensive mode and go ahead with full steam – to protect your ‘truth’? What if we’d pause and try to understand and to meet the other person where they are before we express our opinions. Listen to understand, not to answer. Also sometimes not sharing our opinions is an option. Or even not having an opinion is OK.
When our opinions become our stories
There might have been an instance in your early life, when you came to a conclusion that you aren’t lovable because you didn’t receive the attention you’d wished for.
Maybe your mum or dad couldn’t comfort you as they were too stressed at work, or having to deal with losing their parents YOU concluded that it is because they don’t love you. This was just your opinion based on the experience you had at that time. And as time went on, this became your truth.
The truth that became your strong compass on how to behave in different life situations as an adult.
Throughout my work and experience with family constellations, I saw how these opinions ‘imprison’ people, and that only expressing their soul’s truth could set them free. Simple truths such as ‘You are my mother and I am your daughter. You are the big. I am the small.’ ‘I did that for you father.’ ‘I leave the consequences with you.’ – can have profound effects on one’s soul. And as a result, the heaviness of the burdens we’ve been carrying for quite some time are being lifted. Slowly but surely we start setting a new course for our life and are able to fully experience and participate in our life as our true self.
There is a place for both
Both opinions and truths have their place in our life. Opinions help with improving our critical thinking and not to take everything for face value. By sharing opinions and listening to the opinions of others, we are able to synergies and create something new. And what is even more wonderful is that by really listening to others, you are connecting with them empathically and helping their own healing process. All just by truly listening to the other person.
Truths connect us with ourselves, with our true inner self and knowing.
You reconnect with your needs. You acknowledge what is. In family constellations this is the kind of truth we are working with. They are a great way of showcasing the hidden dynamics behind your actions. You might not even know that you are acting out an old story of your ancestors. Not even mentioning the social and historical events that have taken place in your culture, or country of origin can impact you.
Yes, it is painful
Yes, truths are often painful to hear. But only telling the truth will support our soul in a meaningful way.
By saying the truth you aren’t judging yourself or someone in your environment. You are simply acknowledging what is or what was. That acknowledgment is your greatest resource for any upcoming shockwave that might happen in your life going forward.
What can I do?
To begin with, start noticing what are the ‘stories’ you start telling yourself when something or someone triggers you. Rather than focusing on the other person and blaming them, look at yourself. See what’s going on within you – notice your emotions and sensations in your body. This helps you to be present and become aware of the internal happenings within you. Ask yourself:
How does my body feel right now? (any sensations of heaviness anywhere, tingling sensations…)
What am I feeling right now? How is this what I feel connected to this situation?
What does this situation remind me of?
How old was I then when this happened?
Or you can do a little 3D representation of your relationship between You, The Truth and the Opinion. When you do this, you will rely on your body sensations and your feelings. Try not to look for logical answers. Allow your body to guide you. You never know what can be revealed to you.
When I did this exercise I used wooden figures I use on my individual systemic constellation sessions. But you can use any other objects or write on separate pieces of paper – Me, Truth, Opinion.
Place them in the way that you feel it is the right place for them (not as you think they should be!).
You might place them close to each other or far away. Notice what comes up for you when you look at Truth, or when you look at Opinions. Where do you feel comfortable in relation to them.
And if there is something that comes up you want to say, say it. It might be: I feel confused between you too. You both have a place in my life. – Experiment with the sentences.
Follow what feels better for you.
This is my 3D representation:
On the left is Truth, on the right is Opinion. In between a little further down is ‘Me’. We created a triangle. Also, I felt that both Truth and Opinions are equally present in my life. I use them both, but I am able to distinguish what is needed when. Also, as I looked at them I felt strong feminine energies connected to Truth and strong masculine energies connected to Opinions.
That carried some interesting extra information for me.
Experiment for yourself and see what comes up for you. 🙂
Written by Petra J.