Love and freedom – Can I have them both?

On the margin of Valentine’s Day

Perhaps love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself. Not whom I want you to be, but to who you are.

Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

One of my favourite quotes. Many times we think that love is something superficial. That we need to start looking for the ‘one’ who will meet all of our needs and desires in a relationship. We seek for something outside ourselves.

Love might come quickly, passionately, or softly and gently. It finds us at the most unexpected places at the most unexpected times. Sometimes love enters our life when we are busy with other things – work, career, reaching to the stars. And therefore we shook it off by persuading ourselves that we don’t have time for this. 

There isn’t space for it in our life, at least not right now. We don’t want to give up our freedom. We don’t want to postpone our plans. But do we really have to do this or we are just emotionally unavailable due to the wounds we have collected from our childhood up to this point? 

“Beauty awakens the soul to act”.

Dante Alighieri

You inspire me, you motivate me and you make me want to become a better version of myself. What more beautiful can be than the feeling that fills you up with energy, helps you to overcome any obstacles you might face.

Often, when we mention love, we immediately think of romantic love. But I am also talking about self-love.  

How could you share this wonderful feeling with another human being if you aren’t able to share it with yourself. Don’t look for love outside yourself. You aren’t looking for somebody to complete you but to COMPLEMENT you. To become a team, to encourage each other, to grow together, to uncover different layers of yourself, to hold space for each other’s healing.  To be who you are at your very essence.

Just as Exupéry said above – love is helping you to return to yourself and not to become a person somebody else wants you to be. Begin with knowing who you are. If you need to do it alone, that’s ok. Sometimes separation despite the pain is a blessing in disguise to come back stronger. Use it wisely.

In the past, I thought I was looking for somebody to complete me. If we think about it, this is the default message in many fairy tales, rom-coms (or at least used to be?). I used to be afraid of showing up as who I really was. What if my sense of humour and boldness is too much? What if my outlook on life is too dreamy, too positive and they won’t understand me? What if opening up my heart and sharing my feelings will be too much? What if…. What if…. I couldn’t fully accept myself the way I was. 

Questions like this can create the bricks of an invisible wall that we build around ourselves for protection. To protect ourselves from getting more wounds or to have the old wounds reopened. We think we are free and we are controlling the outcome, but in reality we gave our freedom away to fear. To fear of showing up as who we are, what we are passionate about, what we believe in.

When you are in a partnership, you are free! In true partnerships you are learning from each other, you are becoming a better version of yourself, you share the same core values. You are holding space for each other while you are on the most amazing journey of life – discovering and finding the way back to yourself.

‘Be in love’ with yourself. Accept yourself the way you are – with your strengths and ‘flaws’. 

This acceptance will fuel you forward. 

Start discovering the uncharted territories by expanding your comfort zone. You CAN have freedom and be in love at the same time. It’s your decision. 

And remember: 

‘Life is what happens to you while you’re busy making other plans.’ 

John Lennon

Don’t let it pass you.

Written by Petra J.

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