‘He was so lost in the darkness, that he almost became the darkness. But he made a choice of not to.’
Dr Edith Eger, The Choice
This year, the 31st of October is a special day. Not just because of Halloween or the commemoration of the Reformation that happened in 1517 but also for having a Blue Moon.
This is a rare event. According to NASA it occurs about every 2.5 years.* This is a term that is used for the second full moon within a single calendar month. As there are roughly 29.5 days between full moons, it is very unusual to have two full moons to fit into one calendar month. And yet it is possible.
The moon symbolises cycles and hidden knowledge, something not visible yet. The full moon is marked as the end of a cycle. And what better way to mark an end than with some reflections and reviews. Especially at Blue Moon, to uncover our hidden truth.
It might be easier said than done. However, when we take the time and the courage it is worth it. Why did I use the word ‘courage’? Because it takes courage to look back and face what choices we have made so far. And also stop and appreciate how far we’ve come, what we have achieved, how much we have grown. This part is often overlooked.
A few weeks ago an electrician came to the flat where I live to check what is causing the fuse to trip. As I wasn’t in when he came, I decided to call up the real estate agent to find out whether the problem had been resolved or not. During the conversation I noticed that the agent’s voice and tone was rapidly changing. He sounded rather annoyed.
What more, I have noticed a change in my attitude too. I felt threatened by his hostility, and I could feel that I was getting into the ‘fight’ mode, or more precisely it felt that I needed to protect myself from his ‘aggressivity’ (at least this was my perception). I didn’t like this state.
Then the light bulb lit up in my mind and I realised what was happening. I was being reactive to his attitude. Then and there I had a choice to make. I could have carried on and let the conversation deteriorate to a conversation that wouldn’t have solved anything. It would have caused both parties to be in a rage and maybe take it out on someone else. Or what I have done for a long time, to suppress the rage. None of these possibilities is holding the key to a healthy resolution.
Instead, I chose to voice my observation, that his voice sounded rather annoyed and harsh and my intentions were only to find out what was going on with the electric circuit in the flat.
Interestingly, when I noticed what was happening, my rage was deflated; as if a blindfold had been taken off my eyes, and now I could see clearly.
This has completely changed the ‘weight’ of the conversation. It became lighter. What I mean by this: I wasn’t in the ‘fight mode’ anymore, the agent’s voice softened. He apologized for his tone and admitted that he’d been having a bad day. He didn’t mean to sound harsh. Now, we both were on the same page.
We don’t know what is going on in somebody’s else’s life and often we take their reactions very personally. We get triggered. They get triggered. We become judgemental.
Take some time to review some of those events, situations in the past few months that you found challenging. Look at your behaviour.
How did you behave? What part of that behaviour is for protecting your healthy boundaries and what is acting out an old pattern?
What would your ideal behaviour be? How would it serve you? How would it serve the people around you, the people you love and care about?
What (or who) does it remind you of? When is that moment when you know that you are going down a familiar path?
It is important that when you start examining your actions, behaviours, you turn to yourself with curiosity and not judgement.
Why am I doing what I do?
Ask this with curiosity in your tone. Make it a question and not a statement. That will help you to turn on the inquisitive mode in your brain. When you blame yourself or others for a certain behaviour, you are closing down the path to really explore your actions.
We are all on a bit of a journey. There are parts that we need to do alone – like really immersing into the shadow side of ours. We need to immerse into the deep, so we can gain momentum and strength to resurface again. And go even higher (if we wish).
You aren’t alone. There is always someone thinking of you with love (even from afar). When the time is right you will see it. Trust the process. Trust your inner compass. You are not alone.
Written by Petra J.
Date: October 2020